Ru Takes on Depression

I should probably be doing homework right now or at least something productive, but to be honest with you, I can't concentrate on anything except for the growing terror in my heart. I'm absolutely terrified as I write this and can't control my shaking. Yet, as much as I feel I need to protect myself and my family, I still feel the strong urge to write this. Last night and early this morning, I watched in horror as the results to the US election came in. I never expected there to be so much hate and blindness in one place. I can't believe that a rapist is going to be our new president. I'm trying to see the silver lining in all of this, but all that keep running through my head is flashbacks of things that happened in my past. Things that I may never be able to get over no matter how many therapy sessions I attend. I guess the first thing I really need to say good bye to is my mental health. I'm pretty positive that my depression and anxiety are going to take a h...

I know that most of you are probably sick of hearing anything about these elections and are glad we only have a few more weeks left to endure all the stupid political ads that are plastered everywhere. My husband and I have gotten into the habit of muting the TV right away when commercials start just so we don't have to listen to the constant mudslinging between all candidates, not just the presidential ones. And if you're in a battleground state like I am, it's probably even less endurable. Hang in there, we're in the home stretch. I'm sorry that I'm writing something like this, but I feel that I need to. Let's face it, this is probably the most important election of our lifetime. Who's to say that the next one won't be just as important or even more, but right now, we can't ignore how extremely important this one is. This presidential race has bought out a side of the United States everyone wants to pretend doesn't exist but the rest of th...

It has been a rough week. There's been another elementary school shooting and two more police related shootings and deaths of black people. There was a presidential debate on Monday night. All of these need to be talked about yet again, but honestly, I'm too excited to write about such serious topics right now. I want to write something fun and something that I'm passionate about. Excuse me for moving over serious matters for such a light happening, but to me this couldn't come at a better time. My birthday was about a week ago. My husband wanted to get me my favorite movie of all times, but it didn't come out until two days after my birthday. Being in the Disney Movies Club, he had already ordered it for me, so I had to wait for it to be shipped. And guess what finally came today? That's right! Beauty and the Beast, baby!!!!! Okay, I know it's a "kid's movie" or whatever you want to call it, but it will forever be favorite movie. And...

To someone I use to know: You hit me, and you hit me hard like a ton of bricks. Never in the years that we've known each other did I think that you could possibly hurt me like this. We've had our arguments and fights, yet still remained friends. You may not have hit me physically, but you hit me so hard with words that were so opposite of what you've known me as for 20 something years sting more than words will every say. I don't expect you to apologize. Honestly, I don't think it will help anything. I have things to say that I know you won't care to hear. Do I think you'll read this? I don't know. You never cared about my random babbling before, why should this be different? If you do, I know you'll be pissed that the whole world can see this, but this isn't about you. This about me. I'm granting myself this one selfish move. I understand that I live in Milwaukee and I've inherited that "danger" that so many white people tal...

Are you happy now that you've left the little girl you raised high and dry? Are you happy now that she will always have a hole in her heart that will never be healed? Are you happy now that she'll be forever broken after all the words you said to her? Are you happy now that she'll question every relationship she has because everything you ever said to her was a lie? Are you happy now that she will question if love is real? Are you happy now that the only one that ever gave a fuck about what happened to you doesn't care anymore? Are you happy now that she doesn't want you to see any of her successes? Are you happy now that she has blocked you out of her life? Are you happy now that you'll never know what happens with her? Are you happy now that you'll never see whatever children she has? Are you happy now that the only one that dropped everything for you will never be there again? Are you happy now that she will never let you in again? Are you h...

What can I say? What can I do? I know that no matter what, these things are still going to happen. Yet, there's this voice inside me saying, "This isn't right." It's 2016 and we're acting like it's the 1960's all over again. What happen to peaceful protest? What happen to peace marches? What happened to not stooping down to the others level? I know it's easy for me to say. I'm a white female. I'm safe if a police officer decides to stop me for some reason. I don't have to wonder whether or not I'll make it home tonight just because of the color of my skin. Yet, I have wonderful friends who are black that have to live with this fear every day. I've seen them hold their breath when a police officer was near. I've seen how the fear has driven them to a point of exhaustion. I've seen them wonder who was going to call the police on them today for whatever reason or why am they were getting stopped this time. This isn't f...

Okay, this will be a little long, but I have to get it out. I'm angry by what has happened over this past week and this is the only way I know how to do something about it. I can't sit here silent anymore. I would love to hear from you, my dear readers about what you think about these particular subjects. I hope that we can get some dialogue going and hopefully create a better world together. Also, fair warning, I will be using strong language. First off, I have to talk about the rapist Brock Turner. Yes, I got that right: rapist. What he did to that woman was none other than rape. I don't care that she was drunk; that has nothing to do with the case. He had sex with her without her permission, which, guess what, is rape. Simple and pain as that. And what does he get? Six months in jail with the promise of getting out early if he behaves. Wait a minute... You're telling me that this man raped an unconscious girl behind a dumpster, got caught and tackled by two other g...