Ru Takes on Depression

Good morning readers, Well, I finally reached that point. The "point of no return" as I like to call it. I broke down and I broke down good. This week has been episode after episode of crying alone, because I always have to be happy on front of everyone else. Why did I break? Probably a very silly reason in most people's eyes, but I've always been over sensitive. The short answer is my relationship with my husband, yet it feels much more complicated in my head. Simple things hurt me more than I can explain. I should be able to just mention something or at least cry in front of my husband, but oh no. Lord knows that it'll cause a meltdown for him, so I must be "fine" at all times. My first breaking point was alone, locked in the bathroom because he didn't want to deal with it. The worst part is I was doing so well for the longest time. I felt like I was finally on track. Then these past few weeks hit me like a tidal wave. I am just so... stuck... ...

Hi Everyone, It's already past midnight here in Georgia. I know that I probably won't be editing this because it's so late and my husband is snoring away in the bedroom next to me. I know it's been a few weeks, and I'm sorry that it's a post like this, but I just need to write right now. It's selfish because this particular post is for no one in general; it's just for my selfish needs of getting an emotion out that has been sitting inside of me for so long. I feel this hole... this void inside me that lately it's been so hard to fill. Sure, I feel magnificent after going to service and getting my worship on, but the Monday comes and I just feel this void taking over. A little voice talks to me, questioning my every move. How can I feel so light when I have no clue where I'm going? Why do I feel so ashamed of myself? What did I do? All these questions bog up my brain and I go in circles trying to answer them, but I know that I have no answers. ...