I'm an Empath with Depression and Anxiety

Dear readers,

Have you ever had feelings that you can't explain? These feelings don't feel like your own, but you still feel something deep within your soul? Or do you feel like there's something more to what a person is sharing with you? Or do you just know when a person is lying to you? Maybe you are more empathetic than you think you are.
The Oxford dictionary defines empathetic (empatheic and empathic can be used interchangeably) as showing the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The dictionary also defines an empath as a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. I don't necessarily feel that being an empath is a "paranormal ability," but more of a gift given to certain people. The picture that I inserted above describes me perfectly. I believe that being empathetic adds to my feelings of depression and anxiety. It can be exhausting at times.
I have a hard time being in crowds because I feed off of people's energies. If there are many negative vibes, I feel that I'm being judged or something is terribly wrong and become overwhelmed with emotion. As much as I hate crying in front of people, I've been known to have tears run down my face to my great embarrassment making me feel anxious. It gets worst if my husband or someone else points it out. Many times after I've had an experience with these high emotions, I have to step away from the situation and be with just myself. I'll listen to music, read, write, or play my pixel art game. It helps me cleanse others' feelings and the repetitiveness calms me down. I am also working putting up a mental shield when I'm in situations I can't avoid the crowd. I visualize a blue transparent ball around me. People's negative vibes bounce off of it and positive vibes are allowed through. This way I can enjoy the activity or event I am attending.
It's harder when I have a intimate relationship with the person. I constantly feel the stress my husband is under, even when he's at work during the day. Even though my mom and grandma are in another state hundreds almost a thousand miles away, I can still feel them. I get a feeling that something is wrong before these people tell me what's going on. If they are lying or holding something back, I know before they admit to the truth. I have been lead astray at times, but more often than not, I'm right. I get anxious as too why they are lying or holding something back. I feel depressed that they aren't able to confide in me. To get over this, I mediate and pray. I know it sounds like a non-answer to dealing with those feelings, but it does take away that anxious feeling as I lay it down at God's feet and let go of the negativity I'm feeling.
I know what you're saying. "How can being an empath with depression and anxiety be a positive experience?" It's rough, I won't lie, but there's always been there has always been this part of me that feels good about it. I feel that I'm able to connect with people on a deeper level than most. People seem to open up to me and come to me for advice. I feel that people find me as a safe person to open up to. Yes, I've cried with my share of people, but I'm able to dive deeper into their feelings and know what they need before they need it. I do internalize what they feel, but I can then give them advice on the situation by planning what I'm going to say in my head and providing examples from either my life or others that may be helpful to the person. I also am able to know who I can trust with my problems. People giving off negative vibes aren't the people I will confide in. I will go to those that I feel good about. My circle of friends are strong and wonderful. They build me up when I fall. They help me in grounding and venting when I need it.
This last week has been a little rougher than what I've been experiencing lately. I have a gigantic feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. If you've been following me on my social media outlets, you would have seen my urgent prayer request for my family. They still need it. The situation is still ongoing and I think it's going to get worst before it can get better. I'm nervous and not sure what to do. It's one step at a time. Thank you for all your prayers and warm wishes.
I hope that this helps someone out there. I know that it's a bit scattered, but it's how it came to me and that's how I tend to write lately. I hope that y'all have a great weekend and that if you need help, reach out to someone.

Lots of love,
Ruari 💜