Ru Takes on Depression

Dear readers, Have you ever had feelings that you can't explain? These feelings don't feel like your own, but you still feel something deep within your soul? Or do you feel like there's something more to what a person is sharing with you? Or do you just know when a person is lying to you? Maybe you are more empathetic than you think you are. The Oxford dictionary defines empathetic (empatheic and empathic can be used interchangeably) as showing the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The dictionary also defines an empath as a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. I don't necessarily feel that being an empath is a "paranormal ability," but more of a gift given to certain people. The picture that I inserted above describes me perfectly. I believe that being empathetic adds to my feelings of depression and anxiety. It can be exhausting at times. I have a hard time being in cr...

Hello readers! Good afternoon, morning, evening, whatever it is by you when you read this. I apologize for not getting this post out sooner, but it was bought to my attention this morning that it is World Mental Health Day. Since I'm having writer's block on what to write about, I'll write about the history of this day and why it was made. I'm also going to leave helpful links and numbers at the end of this post so that if you or someone you know needs help, it's right there. World Mental Health Day is an international day for global mental health awareness, education, and advocacy against the social stigma. It was first celebrated in 1992 under an initiative of the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH) made by Deputy Secretary General Richard Hunter. This day  aids in bringing awareness to mental illness and the effects it has on peoples' lives. In some countries, it has became part of a mental health awareness week (like Australia). It wasn't until ...

Good morning readers! Happy October! I know it sure doesn't feel like fall here in Georgia. It's been HOT and humid and extremely dry. There's hope that the end of the week will bring relief to all of that and we'll get more Autumn like weather. Leaves are turning color, drying up, and falling because it is so dry. It's definitely a change from last year when I don't think the trees started losing their leaves until November. I know that I had promised that I would start a new "season" at the beginning of September. As you can see, that didn't happen. I has also said that I was going to write three times a week. I don't think that's going to happen either. I am, however going to try to write at least once a week. They will focus on one subject. I will talk about the negative and positive aspects of that one subject. Then I'll give an update on how I've been doing for the week or however long it was. I want Wednesdays to be my wri...

Good morning readers, Well, I finally reached that point. The "point of no return" as I like to call it. I broke down and I broke down good. This week has been episode after episode of crying alone, because I always have to be happy on front of everyone else. Why did I break? Probably a very silly reason in most people's eyes, but I've always been over sensitive. The short answer is my relationship with my husband, yet it feels much more complicated in my head. Simple things hurt me more than I can explain. I should be able to just mention something or at least cry in front of my husband, but oh no. Lord knows that it'll cause a meltdown for him, so I must be "fine" at all times. My first breaking point was alone, locked in the bathroom because he didn't want to deal with it. The worst part is I was doing so well for the longest time. I felt like I was finally on track. Then these past few weeks hit me like a tidal wave. I am just so... stuck... ...

Hi Everyone, It's already past midnight here in Georgia. I know that I probably won't be editing this because it's so late and my husband is snoring away in the bedroom next to me. I know it's been a few weeks, and I'm sorry that it's a post like this, but I just need to write right now. It's selfish because this particular post is for no one in general; it's just for my selfish needs of getting an emotion out that has been sitting inside of me for so long. I feel this hole... this void inside me that lately it's been so hard to fill. Sure, I feel magnificent after going to service and getting my worship on, but the Monday comes and I just feel this void taking over. A little voice talks to me, questioning my every move. How can I feel so light when I have no clue where I'm going? Why do I feel so ashamed of myself? What did I do? All these questions bog up my brain and I go in circles trying to answer them, but I know that I have no answers. ...

Good morning all! This subject has been in my mind since a couple of days after my last post. I was happy and felt so good about where I was with myself at that very moment. I was going to write a "bonus" edition, but something inside me said wait. Then last week, my PCOS decided it was going to flair with a vengeance, so the last thing I wanted to do is look at my computer much less sit and type at it. Today, I'm not feeling the best about myself. That little voice inside me told me that right now was when I needed to write this blog. Here I am, and here it goes. Let's start from the beginning. I started a weight loss challenge at the beginning of the month with my mom and her Herbalife group. The key word for our first weigh-in and beginning weight was "love." I was laughing at this because at that moment, I was really starting to feel good about myself and loving the way I looked. I loved taking pictures of myself and seeing the progress I've been ...

Happy May! Can you believe that April is already over? It seems like it just started, but now we're welcoming May and the days are getting even warmer and longer. It's getting hot and humid here in Georgia, but they don't call it Hotlanta for nothing. I didn't know it was possible for things to get more greener than they already are, but it seems to be the theme around here. More and more flowers are starting to bloom as well, adding to the color wheel of nature. I'm so excited for the magnolia and lilacs to start blooming. When I talk to people about my depression and anxiety, they often ask me what I do to escape my feelings. I believe that it's very important to have a least one thing that you can dive into and forget about the world turning for a while. For me, the activities I'm going to talk about help me center myself, calm down, and be able to see whatever stressful situation clearer. Sometimes they even help me find solutions to the problems. Som...

Hello readers, I want to start off with an apology for not writing for the last few weeks. Today's subject is not the one that I planned on blogging about a few weeks ago. When I began to reflect on that topic, I realized I was not quite ready to write about that part of my life. I had many flashbacks and panic attacks about it. There will be a time that I'll be ready to divulge that part of my life, but right now is not the time. I hope that you can understand that and accept my apology. That being said, in light of the recent holidays and all the events that have happened around the world the last couple of weeks, I thought this was a good subject to write about. It's one that I had the hardest time explaining to my therapist, but it sounds so easy and right in my head. It's probably not going to be a very long entry, but I hope that it helps you gain insight into who I am. Today I'm talking about my faith. I was bought up in a Catholic household. Growing up, ...

Dear readers, Good morning and happy April! It's a very rainy morning here in Georgia, but April showers bring May flowers. It also clears the pollen out of the air to help those of us with allergies breathe. It also washes all the pollen off of cars and outdoor furniture... Well sorta. There's a slurry yellow mud-like substance on my porch. Anyway, I'm not going to lie. I struggled with coming up for a topic to write about this week. I've  been feeling pretty good this week, so there wasn't anything in that direction that came to mind. Then I remembered how much I have mentioned my husband and his Asperger's in earlier entries and how I promised I would write about him and how my depression reacts to his condition. Since April is National Autism Awareness Month and Tuesday was World Autism Awareness Day, I thought this would be a perfect subject for this week. Asperger Syndrome or AS is generally a high functioning form of autism. It's a developmental d...

Hi everyone! How are you? That question always gets to me. Everyone asks me. It's polite small talk, even when you meet a stranger. It's always, "How are you?" I struggle with how to answer it. Do I answer truthfully or do I give them the standard, "I'm well, thank you. You?" Generally, I go with the standard because most people don't need to or want to dive into my feelings. With family and close friends, I decide on the fly which one it's going to be. When I'm having a really bad day, I normally don't want to talk about it. Lately, however, my emotions have been on my sleeve, so they answer it for me. I've been quick to cry, especially when I experience extreme emotions. Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, the tears have just flowed like crazy. Last week, I dealt with what I call pain days. For those of you that don't know me all to well or haven't read some of my earlier blogs, I have PCOS. I believe I wrote a blog about it i...

Hi everyone! Sorry that there were no posts the last couple of weeks. The reason actually has a lot to do with what today's topic is. I had to get over the anxiety of letting people in. It's the line from the Frozen song, "Let It Go:" "Don't let them in. Don't let them see." I feel that I've been conditioned to hide me feelings. Big girls don't cry, Ru; keep yourself together. People like you better when you're happy. And let's be honest, who really wants to read about my emotions and anxiety? It took me these two weeks to get over myself. I apologize for that. I can't help others if I'm just going to stay silent about it. It's time to take a deep breath and dive into the sea of festering anxiety and come face to face with my emotions dragon. Repeat after me, Ru, "You can do this. You can win." That's just it, though. There really is no winning or losing when it comes to depression or anxiety. Some days a...

Wow... It's been a long time. A year and a half already? Sorry about that. I think that maybe it was just a lot of not having interest in what I was writing about or a case of being too ambitious with it. Maybe... I really couldn't tell you to be honest, but there's really nothing I can do to change the past. All I really can do now is try to do what's in my head. I'm going to try to do blogs at least once a week and they are all going to be about one subject: my journey with my depression. Before I get too far into all of it, let's give you a little update on my life. I have dropped out of college and became a full-time Pure Romance consultant. I'll explain the reasoning behind it later in this post. My husband and I have moved cross-country to Georgia (finally) and have another cat, bringing our family up to us and two cats. Things are good; I'm loving Georgia, especially the winter here while "home" is getting dumped with snow. My job was g...